guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
