I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
