girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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