You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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