So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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