Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
