I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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