Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I touched a dick in church today
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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