You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
