Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
