Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
