Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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