well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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