You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
