I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
