Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
