She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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