so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
