Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
