i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
