i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
