Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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