Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
