I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
