you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
