dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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