maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
