I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
