i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
