Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
