im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
