i need an iv and a liver transplant
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
