she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we're making bets on your personal life
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
false alarm, still single
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
