Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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