I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
