u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
