her vagine was all disorganized.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
