she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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