Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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