My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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