Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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