Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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