you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
