If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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