I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
