3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
