Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
