please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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