____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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