life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
