Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize