It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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