GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
