I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the condom got lost in my hair
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
