I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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