To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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