is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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