Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
