That's when you crack a 10am beer
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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