in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
