Pappa wants mamma naked
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
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