what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
