The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
