dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
