so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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