I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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