this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
